From Zero to Obscene in a Day

Nobody ever says, “I wanna be an alcoholic when I grow up!” Most people don’t expect their first drink to evolve into transgressions and repugnance. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. But for the predisposed, the first drink is a dangerous one. My first encounter with alcohol was at age 13, when my brother … Continue reading

Coming Up For Air

…and all of a sudden, I am talking about it like it isn’t any thing at all. I am telling you about being sick, about throwing up and throwing down, and over and over again. What I don’t say is that I was hoping the long hollow of my body might funnel my soul away … Continue reading

Roller Skates and the Slippery Slope

“Most of us think of memory as a chamber of the mind, and assume that our capacity to remember is only as good as our brain. But according to some architectural theorists, our memories are products of our body’s experience of physical space. Or, to consolidate the theorem: Our memories are only as good as … Continue reading

Hello, Fear

I am talking to you, again. As I suspected, you would come along for this ride. I know, you hate taking it blind, riding backwards here in the back seat with me. But it’s really the only way to keep you safe, should this vehicle crash and the airbags deploy. You will be be spared, … Continue reading

Goodbye, Friend in a Bottle

Goodbye, Alcohol, for now. YES, I am scared to walk around without you in my back pocket, For-Ever. What will I do when I’m anxious, depressed, sad, mad, glad, happy, celebratory, or simply breathing in and out with my thoughts? I don’t know how it will be without you. I feel so sure that I … Continue reading

Recovery is Catching My Breath

RECOVERY: YOU send chills down my spine and steal my breath away, but I am coming around to you, I am meeting you halfway up, and I can’t explain this mix of resentment and pride, this happy hour combination of disdain and gratitude that I have for you. I decided at the outset that I … Continue reading